Category: News

SmackSons vs Brother Grim

Brothers Grim

SmackSons vs Brothers Grim 21st May 2017

I can’t really say if Grimsby is a nice town or not. Travelling for Roller Derby games doesn’t leave much space for sightseeing beyond idyllic dual carriageways, charming ring roads and scenic (if sweaty) sports halls. What I can say for sure is that the people there were bloody lovely. Half time orange segments and a complimentary banana (it said nice things about my skating) at the end were a nice touch. Everybody feels like a winner with a free banana clutched tightly in their sticky palm.

We’d played Grimsby once before in August 2015 in Norwich and we’d come off the better by 125 points. That was my first ever roller derby game but I couldn’t tell you what happened. I wouldn’t be sure I was actually there if there wasn’t photographic evidence of me gormlessly spectating on track. Still, a lot has changed since then for both teams. I was keen to show them I’d learnt how to roller skate and Grimsby are in their second year of British Champs having reached the playoffs in their debut season.

Just one week before, Grimsby had faced a ferocious Oxford side and come off the worse but we weren’t expecting an easy game. The Brothers Grim fielded a much stronger side to meet us and would clearly be looking to strike back.

In the days before the bout our numbers had dropped to 11 but The Smacksons are a chipper lot and we approached the game with the cheerful confidence we do everything (except running) with. Sadly that 11 didn’t include many of our primary jammers so for the second game in a row team Captain Skippy The Angeroo took the star and led the charge. It’s a good job he’s a double threat and a brilliant jammer as, for the second game in a row, he went home with the best jammer award! He was joined by on again, off again Smackson Jay Low (relationship status ‘It’s complicated’… but we still love him) and the nimble Marty McSly whose exploits in our last two games easily earned him a spot in the main jammer rotation. As the game wore on more Smacksons took the star and did a great job, including The AntiChris and Short Shorts.

The game was neck and neck for the full 60 minutes, no lead going beyond 20 points before quickly vanishing. By halftime Grimsby were ahead by 9 points and the orange segment was gratefully received. Still, our bench remained an upbeat and focused place thanks to the calm confidence of our Bench and coach Applebite and our Lum Kelly KaPowski. Veteran Smackson (he’s old) Jarnageddon helped with this by remaining cool and unfazed (unbothered) throughout and offering some sage advice to newer skaters at half time (‘Have you tried being better?’). Invaluable.

We’d been joined on our expedition to the balmy north by a great contingent of supporters from Norfolk Roller Derby and they definitely helped to keep us going till the end. They were almost as numerous as the Grimsby supporters and MUCH louder!

Early in the second half it felt like the momentum might be starting to shift in our favour. A formidable wall of Geoffasaurus Wrecks, Citizen Pain, Nifty Shades of Grey and The Talented Mr Whipley held back the Grimsby jammer for the full two minutes which left Skip free to score 22 points (pfft, easy…)

Sadly, fatigue caused by low numbers and a green foul out let a solid Grimsby side reassert themselves and with less than 2 minutes to go they were behind by 1 point, 148 to 149. A swift four point jam from them and they took the lead. Our most experienced blocker, Cupcake, was sent out to hold the line after already putting in a mammoth performance (as always…). He was joined by relative newcomer, man mountain, burrito enthusiast and gameday captain Citizen Pain, the sprightly and smart Marty McSly and the overly wordy Whipley. The Grimsby jammer managed to punch his way out and called them jam… with 1 second left on the period clock. This is where the experience and benching badassery of Applebite (who had already had two successful official reviews this game) came to the fore. A quick timeout and we had one jam left to win this. The same lineup went out with the gentle if significant advice from Apple ‘we really need to get lead’ ringing in our ears! Grimsby sent out their most experienced blockers and the blue star went to Scotta Hurt, the source of most of their points. The whistle went, Scott hit hard while skip took a more patient fifth blocker approach before slipping past. Scott barged through the back blockers and was caught by Whipley, he backed off and tracked to the inside where he was swept off. A sneaky run back from Whip forced a cut and gave the Smacksons a power jam. From here on it was all about getting Skip through which he managed with a lovely sideways toe stop run on the apex. Coming round again all 4 Smacksons went on offence and Skip snuck through taking the full 5 points and calling the game. 152 – 154. The Smacksons won.

Close games are the best games to watch, the constant back and forth keeps the spectators on edge throughout. As a player it’s usually bloody awful. My nerves can’t take it. On this occasion though team green had smiles throughout and I have no doubt it was that teamwork, friendship and positivity that really got the win. Also, we scored marginally more points than the other team. I guess, strictly speaking, that’s how we won.

Norfolk Roller Derby are recruiting now, our new skater course starts on 17th July. If you’d like to be a part of our team we’d love you to join us. Get in touch!

Whip177 xx

Awards on the day!

The Brothers Grim

Best Blocker – Carlossus #639

Best Jammer – Tasker Bater #18

MVP – IndestructaPaul #2612


Captain’s Choice – Citizen Pain #1984 (wait, wasn’t he gameday Captain… Pain you cheeky ****!)

Best Blocker – Cupcake #3

Best Jammer – Skippy The Angeroo #451

MVP – The Talented Mr Whipley #177

Bout Against Super Smash Brollers September 17th

Sept 17

Hot off the heels of their exciting bout against the Brawls of Steel, the East Anglo Smacksons will be making another open door home appearance at the UEA sportspark on saturday 17th September. This time around the boys in green will be playing host to the hugely formidable Super Smash Brollers of Nottingham Roller Derby. This season the Brollers have been playing at tier 2 National level of the Roller derby British championships and finished joint second. Their vast wealth of experience will prove a real challenge for the smacksons and a great spectacle for any fans lucky enough to get a ticket! Headlining the day’s derby, Norfolk Roller derby’s Ladies A Team, the Norfolk Brawds, will be facing off against Kent Roller girls, an excellent match up that’s sure to be a nail biter!

As if that delicious double header wasn’t enough for you the day is sure to provide plenty of other diversions including Norfolk Roller derby’s very own real ale, Bonnie’s gold, local ice cream from Ronaldos, face painting, craft stalls, a jumble sale, a roller skating bring and buy stall, a raffle and lots more.

This really is one not to miss, tell your friends and get your tickets now!

Smacksons Vs Brawls of Steel

Smacksons circle

The second game of a summertime NRD double header marked the first public home bout of 2016 for the East Anglo Smacksons. Following on from the confident performance of league mates The Black Shucks, and facing a reduced line-up in the opposing Brawls of Steel, enthusiasm was high. This was a debut public bout for six rookie skaters, and a Smacksons debut for Brawds crossover #0 Fox Given. The Smacksons lined up veteran jammers Jay Low and Ra’s al Cruel alongside newcomers Jazz Noir and Quadnacious D, with Skippy the Angeroo taking the captain’s armband for the day.

Facing them were a mixed opposition of Brawls, SRD (including the fearsome Tubesock Shakur) and a single black sheep (Hitch, current co-captain of the Smacksons on sabbatical) totaling nine skaters, although with a considerable experience advantage among them.

A physical game started as the Smacksons took off to a solid lead in the first few jams with Jay Low and Ra’s running up a 20 point lead after the first two jams. The game evened out as the Brawls established themselves though, with Team Ireland’s Epic Flail jamming and Tubesock’s offensive and defensive work coming to the fore. A close fought first half ended after several lead changes with the Brawls ahead, 70-66.

In the second half, the tide turned decisively against the Smacksons. Perenial MVP Jay Low fouled out, and captain Skippy the Angeroo snapped a plate, forcing him to continue on a pair of too large and unfamiliar skates. The Brawls pushed their advantage, rarely giving an inch. Bright points in this half for the Smacksons were the emergence of Fox Given’s performance with the star, showing some real composure in his first men’s game, alongside a commanding blocking display by co-captain Whipley.

Ultimately, the superior experience of the Brawls saw them through to a convincing win. The Smacksons gave a fine account of themselves, and will look on to their next home game in September! Final score: 177-126


Best blocker – Cupcake #3115 & Guy Pie #69

Best Jammer – Jazz Noir #0711 & Epic Flail #108

MVP – The Talented Mr Whipley #177 & Tubesock Shakur #32

Captain’s Choice – Marty McSly #9 &  Gear Jammer #1050

Author: Marty McSly #9

Photo: Magpie Tommy

East Anglo Smacksons Vs Medway Mayhem

anglo_mayhem_group - resize

July 31st saw East Anglo Smacksons step up their preparations for what looks like a busy and prosperous 2017 by hosting a closed-door battle with our friends at Medway Mayhem roller derby. With both teams progressing well and bringing through new players, bouts such as these provide a great opportunity for teams to bed in new players, try out new ideas and put those training day skills and drills into practice. This certainly proved to be a valuable and highly enjoyable bout for both teams.

The Smacksons prepared well for this game, and had set out clear and achievable goals. Fielding only 10 players with a 50% mix of new skaters, this game was about basics and track time for newer skaters. Things got off to a great start with Smacksons taking a hold of the early jams. The more experienced jammers Jay Low and Ras Al Cruel were joined on a 4-way rotation with Rookies Quadnacious D and Jazz Noir. Medway certainly did their blocker homework as it was neck and neck with a slowly edging lead for Smacksons half way through the first half.

As the first half ticked down, The Smacksons defensive line grew in confidence and strength and the experience of Cupcake, Skippy the Angeroo and Johnny Crash provided a tight line for our jammers to pull away with a 40 point lead at half  time.

The break gave us perfect opportunity to analyse what the first half had shown us. Our focus on togetherness, effective positional blocking, calm communication and well times offence was being played out well, and as a result spirits were high. The second half started off as we finished. A power line-up kicked things off to great effect with co-captain

The second half started off as we finished. A power line-up kicked things off to great effect with co-captain Whipley keeping the blockers together as the Medway jammers harried and hassled us to good effect. Medway stepped up the energy and worked our walls with great strength and gave our newer blockers a real hard time. During this mid way period, we saw a solid display from Wavy Goods and Geoffasaurus Rex that showed the progress our team is currently making. Strong and composed was the order of the day, and boy did we need it. As the clock ticked down, the pressure on us turned up. The strong offence and experience of Medway captain Brute paved the way for a ferocious comeback from the guests. Jammers Drop and Give Me and Silent Assassin pushed harder and stretched us further and further until with only minutes left, it took some unforgettable heroics from makeshift Jammer Wavy Goods to tilt the shift back our way and push us 13 points to safety. With one final jam on the clock and only 9 points in it, Ras Al Cruel stepped up and took the lead jammer call… with the whole team and league spectators screaming for it, Ra’s put hands to hips and called off the jam and it was game, set and match Smacksons.

FINAL SCORE: Smacksons 143 – 130 Medway Mayhem

Tests don’t get much harder than that, and our skaters both new and old knew what a great work out that had been. This was a very well spirited game with great opponents. Huge thanks and respect go out to Medway and their guests for a great afternoon, and for a game that will prove invaluable for all involved as both parties step up their game.

The East Anglo SmackSons Vs The Brawls of Steel

Smacksons 20th Aug 2016

The East Anglo SmackSons Vs The Brawls of Steel

On 20th August the East Anglo SmackSons will be playing host to Peterborough’s finest men’s Roller Derby Team, The Brawls of Steel. Taking place at the UEA Sportspark in Norwich this bout looks to be an exciting and hard fought match up.
This year, the Brawls of Steel competed in The Men’s Roller Derby British Championships and tested themselves against some of the South of England’s toughest teams. We’ll have our work cut out but The SmackSons always relish a challenge!
We’ll be showcasing some new talent alongside the same familiar faces in Green shirts. Coming off the back of a number of closed door victories for the SmackSons the team spirit is high and we’re training hard. This really is one not to miss! Make sure you get your tickets for this great game and come on down to show your support!
On the same day our ladies B team, The Black Shucks will also be playing against HARD B team. 2 Great games of roller derby? What better way to spend a Saturday afternoon!
As always we’ll have more fantastic vendors and activities on the day including hot food, Ronaldo’s ice cream, local arts and crafts businesses, face painting, kids activities, a raffle and our own league’s Real Ale, Bonnie’s Gold. Wow, that’s quite a lot for the ticket price!

Roller Derby SEVENS Mens Southern Cup 2016

Sevens heat 2

Check it out!

Heat 2 of the Southern Sevens tournament see’s us face off with Dorset Knobs Roller Derby, Eastbourne Bomb S’Quad and Oxford Mens Roller Derby.

Sittingbourne, 30th April 2016!

Tickets available from the Southern Sevens Facebook page!

Sur5al 2015


November 2015 saw East Anglo SmackSons roller derby in our first outing at the Sur5al tournament. Being selected to play alongside so many big name competitive teams, including European champions and Top Euro seeded teams was both a huge challenge and somewhat of an honour. The format of heats featuring single 2 minute Jams with no call off makes for a rapid fire and keenly fought contest and on the Sunday we got the chance to show the tournament how far we have come in 2015! The huge venue of the Norbreck Hotel in Blackpool was home to male and female teams (girls played Saturday) all weekend with all teams in great spirits, and cemented the family atmosphere the UK roller derby community enjoys. Our team of 5 skaters Captain Alfred Hitchblock, The Flash, Cupcake, Jay Low and Block N Roll were sure underdogs, but out to prove a point… and that they did. The 2nd heat featuring 3 jams from us saw a great win over Euro seeded Skateful Dead (perhaps our biggest result to date!), and a win over Liverpool followed by a narrow point defeat to Aire Force One. 2 wins out of 3 was a dream start and filled us all with confidence and forth determination. Heats 4 & 5 saw the boys take a more defensive tactic, trying to keep points differentials down as we faced a rolling lineup of Europe’s best. We took narrow defeats to Euro champions SDRD, New Wheeled order and over the next 5 games a few tougher jams against the likes of Tyne and Fear, Inhuman League and Lincolnshire Rolling Thunder. We didn’t let go though, in the final heat we took a very hard fought win over Sons of Icarus followed up with a 40-0 win over Hades Roller boys as they started to haemorrhage skaters and points. We ended the heat and the tournament with a close point loss to Super Smash Brollers but left the track and tournament full of pride. Our skaters received much praise and advice from some top skaters and made our travelling supporters proud. East Anglo SmackSons places 13th out of 16 and judge this as a huge success for a young team like ours. Hosts Barrow Infernos took the title closely followed by SDRD. Here’s to the next one!

Article written by  Jay Low #303

Sur5al 2015

Jurassic Pack – 22nd Aug 2015

Jurassic Pack

Save the Date folks because in August the SmackSons are taking on the Brothers Grim in a home bout at UEA!

Also this is a double header and the debut of our newly formed little sister B team, The Jolly Dodgers who will take on The Grim Reavers!

Tickets are available to buy online HERE!

Buy a ticket for our August game, and on the day you can pick up a ticket for our September game for just £5!

That’s 2 exciting days of Roller Derby, 4 weeks apart, for just £12!